first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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