for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
