someone owes me an orgasm
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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