I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Randomize
