i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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