we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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