I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
