I faked an abortion last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found the puke drawer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!