You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
