Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
