I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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