Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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