Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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