piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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