Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
