watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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