I can tuck mytits in my pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
time to smoke my breakfast
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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