sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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