You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
