Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
