but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
