Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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