i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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