Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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