Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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