ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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