Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
