saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
