if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize