So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
