shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Two words: nipple clamps
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