There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Alive.
So much puke
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
