I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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