Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men