I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.