I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.