guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.