So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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