did you get engaged???
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
