So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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