he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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