She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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