I can text with my tongue
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
