what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
