Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
