Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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