I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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