for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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