pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
