Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
