My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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