Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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