billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
