I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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